Newsletter

HEADSTONE CARETAKING AND MAINTENANCE 

     Headstones deteriorate over time with exposure to a wide range of weather and temperature fluctuations. Most cemeteries do not provide headstone maintenance or repair, so family members must take on these tasks themselves. A light cleaning every one to two years with water and a soft bristled brush will keep a headstone looking its best. If the headstone has been neglected, you may need to use a diluted non-ionic detergent or biocidal cleaning solution (for granite, sandstone, and slate) or a diluted ammonium hydroxide or household ammonia solution (for marble). Most household cleaners are not a good choice, and bleach ruins natural stone. If the headstone is chipped or broken, epoxies may be used to make repairs.

Quote: “The only people who don’t have problems are in a cemetery.”

—Norman Vincent Peale

WEARING WHITE AT A FUNERAL

You’ve probably been warned against wearing white at a wedding, but what’s the custom for wearing white at a funeral? Although white is not usually associated with funerals or death in Europe and North America, white is the traditional color of mourning in many other parts of the world, symbolizing purity, light, and respect. The general rule for North American funerals is to stay away from bright colors like pink, red, yellow, and orange, but neutral colors, including white, are usually acceptable. When it comes to an all-white outfit at a funeral, defer to the tastes of the deceased if you knew them well, or honor the tastes and wishes of the deceased’s family members.

A funeral can and should be as unique as the life that is being celebrated. JAMES H. DELANEY & SON FUNERAL HOME wants to help you make the arrangements that you want. Personalizing a funeral or memorial service can be very therapeutic--it gives you and your family something to concentrate on as you relive memories. When the time comes for you to arrange funeral services for a loved one, please call 668-1960. We are located at 48 Common Street. 

 Quote: “We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in the world—those who have known suffering.”

—Helen Keller

MOURNING TIMELINES AND TRADITION

Traditionally, a person would remain “in mourning” and practice traditions like dressing in black and avoiding certain public events for a specified period, usually one to two years. Today we mourn and grieve in different ways according to our emotional needs, although this may still include traditions like wearing black or displaying memorial items. In the Western world, wearing black and other dull colors has been the expectation since the Victorian era until as recent as the 1960s. In some regions of the world, white is worn to show grief and mourning. Regardless of color, dressing a certain way can be a sign of respect to the deceased while showing others that we are grieving from a recent loss. 

Quote: “Grief is the price we pay for love.”

—Queen Elizabeth II

THE CEMETARY SEXTON 

A cemetery sexton is the caretaker of the cemetery, performing general management and maintenance. Some of their roles include coordinating burials and graveside services, recording legal and public records, and maintaining the cemetery grounds. The cemetery sexton works with families to help execute burials and is also responsible for the long-term care of the gravesites and grounds. The sexton and their staff manage the opening of the grave, lowering the casket, and closing the grave. The sexton also makes sure the headstones fit the cemetery’s requirements and that they are properly positioned. As a cemetery manager, the sexton processes required documents such as burial and disinterment permits and also records all information pertaining to the deceased and the body.

Quote: “Live life as a monument to your soul.”

—Ayn Rand

FUNERAL 101 

     Planning a funeral is daunting when you’ve never done it before, especially when you’re grieving a loved one at the same time. You will want to first choose a funeral home and funeral director or undertaker who will prepare the body and guide you through the funeral planning process. You must decide where to hold the funeral and the type of service to have, including who will perform it. During the service you may need pallbearers if there is a casket, and someone to give the eulogy. You will also need to make arrangements with the cemetery for the interment after the funeral service. You may also wish to plan for an additional private or public graveside service. 

 Quote: “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.”

—Maya Angelou

YOUR FUNERAL DIRECTOR 

A funeral director, sometimes called an undertaker, is the person who assists family members with important decisions they must make when a loved one passes. A funeral director may also refer to the person who owns and operates a funeral home that provides these services, including preparing the body for burial. If a death in your family is imminent, you can contact a funeral director in advance and then again as soon as the death takes place. They will help you get a legal pronouncement of death, notify the coroner, and make arrangements to transport the body. The funeral director can also help with decisions about the funeral location, type of service, and the type of interment (cremation or burial).

Quote: “You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.”

—Old Chinese proverb

ANNIVERSARY REACTIONS 

     Grief from the loss of a loved one tends to become less intense over time. However, reminders of your loved one can trigger emotions surrounding their loss. Anniversaries are one reminder that can be particularly painful. These triggers and the emotions that come with them are known as anniversary reactions. To cope with anniversary reactions, plan for them in advance. Give yourself the time and space you need on these days. Some people like to plan a celebration or memorial to honor their loved one on a particular day. You might consider something else to honor your loved one, which can be anything from raising money for their favorite charity to a memorial walk alone in the woods.

Quote:      “Grief changes shape, but it never ends.”                                                           

Keanu Reeves 

DEALING WITH LOSS DAILY 

It’s a difficult change when you lose someone who is a part of your everyday life, and this transition takes time. Whether it’s a spouse, close friend, co-worker, family member, or even a pet, these losses create gaps in our daily lives, and the reminders of the loss can be constant. Remember that it takes time to learn to live without someone as part of your daily life. Take one day at a time and give yourself some grace, allowing yourself to grieve in your own way each day. And remember that moving on does not mean forgetting about your loved one, but rather learning to live without them while still honoring their memory. 

Quote: “Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow—it is not a permanent rest stop.”

Dodinsky

DEATH WHILE ABROAD

 Sometimes the death of a loved one happens unexpectedly, away from home. When a person dies while traveling abroad, certain steps must be taken according to local laws. When the deceased is a U.S. citizen, the Bureau of Consulate Affairs helps the family. They contact the next-of-kin to inform them of the death and provide information for returning the remains to the United States or how to plan a local burial. The Bureau also helps the family communicate with the correct offices in the foreign country. Once a local death certificate is issued, an embassy or consulate can prepare a “Consular Report of a Death of an American Abroad,” which can be used in U.S. courts to settle the estate.

Quote: “All deaths are sudden, not matter how gradual the dying may be.”

Michael McDowell

CASKET OR COFFIN?

Caskets or coffins are similar but not the same thing. A casket has a rectangular shape and built-in handles for carrying. It has a hinged lid and can easily be used to allow attendees to view the body at a wake, funeral service, or visitation. Alternatively, a cremation urn can be placed inside the casket to be lowered into the ground. A coffin is also used to hold the deceased’s body for a viewing, funeral service, and burial, but the main difference is in the shape. A coffin has six sides that make the top portion of the container wider than the bottom. There can also be a difference in price, and a coffin is often more affordable.

Quote: “Whoever is not in his coffin and the dark grave, let him know he has enough.            

Walt Whitman

UNIQUE IDEAS TO MEMORIALIZE A LOVED ONE

Commemorating a loved one comes in many shapes and forms. You may wish to display items such as photos, letters, or certificates of achievement at the funeral, reception, or in your home, or build a shrine out of items that were dear to them. Some bereaved people have turned the deceased’s favorite clothing into items such as pillows and quilts that can bring joyful memories every day. Many people find comfort by planting trees or entire gardens to memorialize a loved one. Another special way to honor someone is by supporting causes or doing random acts of kindness in their name. Try donating to an organization or nonprofit they were passionate about, adopting a highway, or organizing a fundraiser.

At JAMES H. DELANEY & SON FUNERAL HOME, we encourage families to create personalized services. It is important to acknowledge that life that has been lived and to offer to the community a way in which to celebrate that life. By offering services and memorialization features that are personal and special, a unique life can be remembered and honored in an individualized way that is comforting to the family and friends. To learn more about our services, please call 668-1960. We invite you to tour our home at 48 Common Street, where we have been serving our community with compassion for more than 50 years.

Quote: “We honor the dead best by treating the living well.”

 Jennifer Granholm

FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS 

Finding or writing an epitaph for your loved one is no easy task. The words you choose will be permanently etched on the headstone, so you want to be confident with your choice before moving forward with the engraving. Use the following ideas to guide you. Epitaphs are usually short and follow a “less is more” mantra. Remain uplifting, stay timeless, and refrain from being overly sentimental. Consider whether you want the epitaph to be in first person or third person and how it “speaks” to listeners. Try using a favorite poem, song lyric, or bible verse. Above all, take your time choosing an epitaph. You may wish to wait until emotions have settled and  you can think more clearly.  

Quote: “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

Mark Twain

GRIEF COUNSELING FOR THE BEREAVE

Grief happens after a loss and comes in many forms. Bereavement is a type of grief that people experience after the loss of a loved one. Bereavement grief can involve sadness, guilt, anger, regret, and other emotions, and will look different for each person. Grief can be confusing, long-lasting, and may be coupled with depression. Sometimes we need help adjusting to grief. Grief counseling focuses on identifying, understanding, and coping with emotions that come up, healthy grieving practices, and learning to move on. While grief counseling helps clients deal with the common, everyday stressors of bereavement, grief therapy may be a better choice for those experiencing emotions that are beyond the range of emotions that happens in response to grief.  

Quote: “There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.”

  A SHORT HISTORY OF HEADSTONES 

Headstones—also called tombstones, gravestones, or grave markers—are used to mark a burial site of the deceased. The practice of using headstones dates to around 3000 B.C., when their purpose was to mark graves near homes. It wasn’t until the seventeenth century that headstones began appearing around churches and graveyards. The first headstones doubled as stone lids for coffins and sometimes had gravestone markers placed at the head and foot. Headstones and footstones were made from either slate, sandstone, marble, or even wood. However, these materials were not durable enough to preserve etchings over time, so during the Victorian era, granite became the standard headstone material and remains so today. Bronze headstones are also commonly used today.

 Quote: “The gravestones are like rows of books bearing the names of those whose names have been blotted from the pages of life; who have been forgotten elsewhere but are remembered here.”                                                                                             Dean Koontz, Fear Nothing

ADVICE FOR GIVING A EULOGY 

Even the most loquacious  person may experience writer’s block when asked to eulogize a loved one. First, recall the way the person lived and what stands out as meaningful. Sharing memories is often the best way to honor a loved one and can help process the loss. A story or memory that exemplifies the deceased’s personality or values is always an appropriate choice. Focus on details rather than making general statements. Start the eulogy by introducing yourself and your relationship to the deceased, and then follow these guidelines: stick to approximately one thousand words (about 7 minutes long); keep the tone personal and conversational; and write down what you want to say  even if you don’t plan to use notes.

Quote: “Death is more universal than life. Everyone dies, but not everyone lives.”

Alan Sachs

VETERAN BURIAL BENEFITS 

Veterans or service members and their dependents may be eligible for burial in a VA national cemetery. Some of the benefits of a national cemetery burial are the opening and closing of the grave, a government-provided casket liner and headstone, and ongoing care of the gravesite. The person planning the burial can also request military funeral honors and VA memorial items from the Department of Defense. The following people may qualify for this benefit: veterans who did not receive a dishonorable discharge; service members who died while on active duty, active duty for training, or inactive duty for training; the spouse or minor child of a veteran; and in some cases, the unmarried adult dependent of a veteran.

Quote: “A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.”

CELEBRATION OF LIFE 

A celebration of life event can be held almost anywhere, but there are a few things to keep in mind when choosing a location. It always makes sense to pick a place that’s unique to the deceased. While the beach, woods, or other natural setting may be meaningful, remember to consider the comforts and needs of your guests (think shade tents and port-a-potties). If you will be serving food, you may want access to refrigeration and running water (ideally a kitchen on-site). Sometimes it makes more sense to hold the funeral service in a meaningful location, while the after-celebration is held at a venue equipped for events, such as a country club, botanical garden, or church.

 Quote: “The best funerals remind us of how we should live.”                                                                                

Dr. Alan Wolfelt

SELECTING A CASKET

Sometimes people leave specific instructions about the type of casket they prefer to be buried in. But if your loved one does not leave any helpful hints, how do you go about selecting one? Try to choose a casket that reflects the personality of the deceased. You will want to consider the appearance and the materials from which the casket is constructed, as well as its features, such as lid type, interior fabric, memory drawers, casket corners, and lid inserts. Price is an issue for many people, so it can be wise to set a budget to help guide and narrow your choices. Be aware that funeral homes are required to show you a price list before showing you caskets.

Quote: “When my casket is being carried to the grave, leave my hands hanging outside. For empty-handed I came into this world, and empty-handed I shall go!”

                                         —Alexander the Great

WHY WE WEAR BLACK

Although Queen Victoria is often seen as the person who started this modern tradition, it probably began in ancient Roman times when people would show they were in mourning by wearing a dark colored toga. As the Roman influence spread across Europe, so did the practice of wearing darker colors while in mourning. During the Middle Ages, black mourning clothes became a symbol of wealth. Famously, after her husband Prince Albert died in 1861, Queen Victoria wore only black for the rest of her life, sealing the tradition of black clothing as a symbol of mourning in the western world. Although not required in modern times, many people still choose to wear black at a funeral or while in mourning.

Quote: “I did not know the work of mourning/ Is a labor in the dark/ We carry inside ourselves.”

Edward Hirsch

MY DEEPEST SYMPATHIES

 When you send a card in the mail, you comfort the bereaved in a special way. When, where, and how you send a sympathy card can make all the difference. A card can be sent as soon as you learn about a death, even if you are late at receiving the news. You can send a card to the address of the deceased if you don’t know the recipient’s address, or you can send a card to the funeral home. If your card is meant for more than one person, address it to “The Family of (the deceased’s name).” Even if you only knew the deceased, it is still appropriate to send condolences to that person’s family members.  

Quote: “What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

Helen Keller

THE BENEFITS OF PALLIATIVE CARE

Palliative care is specialized medical care that works best when started as soon as possible. People who receive palliative care in conjunction with their treatments often have less severe symptoms than those not receiving it. The goal is to improve the quality of life for the patient without focusing on their prognosis. Palliative treatments vary widely and often include medication, relaxation techniques to calm anxiety, help with physical side effects, dietary changes, emotional and spiritual support, and significant support for children and family caregivers. Palliative care is offered to people with serious or life-threatening illnesses such as cancer, heart disease, kidney failure, dementia, and end-stage liver disease. Primary care physicians can assist their patients with information for those interested.

QUOTE: “Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.” 

George Eliot

EXAGGERATED GRIEF

Grief is expressed in many ways and is primarily influenced by one’s social and cultural atmosphere. Exaggerated grief occurs when a person suffers several losses or other traumatic events all at once or in a short period. Also known as persistent complex bereavement disorder, exaggerated grief can result from not having enough time to resolve emotional conflicts between losses. Symptoms can be overwhelming, leaving one feeling incapable of carrying on. Signs of exaggerated grief include feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, an intense yearning to be with the person who died, and an inability to focus on other things. These feelings last for months or years and tend to worsen over time. Many find support by seeing a therapist or counselor. 

QUOTE: “I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief…For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”         

Wendell Berry

FUNERAL VISITATION

People often confuse a viewing with a visitation; however, they are not the same thing. A viewing means having an open casket, and a visitation occurs before the funeral when the body is laid out in the casket, which may be open or closed. It allows mourners to pay their final respects in a more private environment. It is also a time for mourners to meet and console each other in a less formal setting than a funeral. It is common to attend both the visitation and the funeral. Visitations vary, lasting for an hour to days before the funeral. While they are often held in funeral homes, they can also be in a family member’s home.

QUOTE: “Loss is nothing else but change, and change is nature’s delight.”

Marcus Aurelius

CEMETERY ETIQUETTE

There is a wrong and a right way to behave wherever we go, which couldn’t be more accurate than when we attend funerals and visit cemeteries. For most people, funerals and cemeteries don’t enter their daily lives. However, there is a certain reserved formality that should be adhered to. When pulling up to the cemetery, drive respectfully and slowly. Don’t play loud music with the windows down. If children are in attendance, they shouldn’t be allowed to run around and roll on the ground. Cemeteries are not playgrounds. Also, do your best not to walk over the graves. Keep in mind that taking photos of other people, which is easy to do with our phones, is considered intrusive.

QUOTE: “If we lose love and self-respect for each other, this is how  we finally die.”

Maya Angelou

GRAVE MARKERS AND MONUMENTS

Grave markers, headstones, and monuments are lasting memorials to our loved ones. Purchasing them can be an overwhelming and emotional experience, especially if it is being made during a difficult time. However, it can also be a rewarding experience. Grave markers come in various colors, styles, and materials. The funeral home of your choosing is the best option for purchasing grave markers and monuments. Funeral homes are well versed in the requirements for each cemetery since they have rules and regulations that govern the size, material, and types of markers they permit on their grounds, which can vary from cemetery to cemetery. The funeral home will contact the cemetery directly to ensure all requirements have been met. 

QUOTE: “Death is a delightful hiding place for weary men.”

Herodotus

MEDICARE HOSPICE BENEFIT

Did you know that Medicare has a hospice benefit to help pay for hospice care? However, there are a few things patients need to know beforehand. To be eligible for hospice coverage, patients must have a life expectancy of fewer than six months, and they must agree to forgo further curative treatment options. Instead, the focus shifts to comfort and maintaining as good a quality of life as possible. For those patients choosing a Medicare-certified hospice organization, nearly all costs will be covered by the benefit. Coverage will include physicians and nurses, comfort medications, medical equipment, home health aides, social workers, and occupational and physical therapy. Remember that it does not cover anything aimed at curing the terminal illness.

QUOTE: “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” 

Folk Wisdom

SECONDARY LOSSES

Death has an impact on  many areas of one’s life, and the grief associated with losing a loved one can be excruciating. While there are obvious things one can expect to experience immediately following a loss, others creep up more slowly. As time passes, other losses are frequently experienced.  Often referred to as secondary losses, these go beyond the primary loss of the loved one. Secondary losses mean different things to different people and are unique experiences. Common secondary losses after the death of a loved one may include loss of income and financial security, loss of a home, and loss of identity. A loss of identity can include no longer being a husband, wife, or parent. 

QUOTE: “Joy comes, grief goes, we know not how.” 

James Russell Lowell                              

COMFORT CARE

Comfort care is often used to describe hospice and palliative care, since they are essentially the same and work interchangeably together. Comfort care refers to the goal of keeping the patient comfortable by managing pain and symptoms and relieving anxiety to improve quality of life. It’s also about curtailing treatment that no longer works or is intrusive, such as drawing blood and lab work. Comfort care is usually administered to patients who have already been hospitalized several times, with further medical treatment unlikely to change matters. A patient must typically have a prognosis of six months or less. The Medicare Hospice Benefit, Medicaid, and private insurance can assist with paying for the costs.

 QUOTE: “A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” 

Jackie Robinson

PAYING FUNERAL EXPENSES

 Many people think the best way to pay for their funeral is to set aside money in their will. However, this may not be the best choice since the money won’t be readily available. A better option is to use a life insurance policy. Many policies will pay a lump sum immediately upon death. Funeral directors will take care of all the paperwork and contact the life insurance company on their client’s behalf. Unlike a will, life insurance payouts for a funeral don’t go through the courts and probate. Crowdfunding is another way to pay for funeral expenses. It has lately become increasingly popular, and it allows a group of people to contribute, whether they are family or strangers.  

QUOTE: “Against eternal injustice, man must assert justice, and to protest against the universe of grief, he must create happiness.”       

 Albert Camus 

MOURNING WREATHS

Wreaths are not just for the holidays. When hanging on a door during other times of the year, it can often indicate that a family is in mourning after the death of a loved one. Mourning wreaths are considered a sign of public grief, and these unique wreaths have been around for hundreds of years. They are also often placed on the casket at a funeral. Mourning wreaths come in various styles, sizes, and colors; however, white or black are the most popular color options. Many families often find it difficult to talk about their deceased loved ones. Placing a mourning wreath on the front door allows people to know what has happened without the family talking about it.

QUOTE: “Can I see another’s woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another’s grief, and not seek for kind relief?”         

William Blake

CHILDREN AT FUNERALS

Should children be allowed to attend funerals? This question has troubled the bereaved for centuries. Many factors enter into the decision-making process, including  cultural background, the age and emotional maturity of the child, and how close the child was to the deceased. For starters, infants will gain nothing from a funeral and can be a distraction to others if they become fussy. Toddlers and preschoolers will often be bored and unable to sit through a long service. School-aged children have a better understanding of the permanence of death and are at a more appropriate age to attend. However, it may be best to ask the children in question whether or not they would like to attend the funeral.

QUOTE: “Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.”

LAW ENFORCEMENT FUNERALS

There are several categories for a law enforcement funeral and many things to consider. Not all police departments are equipped in the same fashion. The type of funeral and level of honors bestowed on the deceased depends on their category and the circumstances surrounding their death. The categories are sworn officers, civilians, retired officers, separated, and immediate family members. Officers who died while on duty  will generally receive full, public funerals with military-style honors such as a flagged-draped casket, color guard, uniform cap to place on the casket, bagpipers, retirement of the officer’s badge, flag folding ceremony, the 21-bell salute, and many others. Some families opt for a private ceremony with honors.

QUOTE: “The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” 

Marcus Tillius Cicero

TRADITIONAL GRAVESIDE SERVICE

A graveside service is a funeral service held outside at the gravesite at a cemetery. It typically follows a funeral service held in another location, such as a chapel or funeral home.  However, graveside services can also be stand-alone events, making them a more economical choice for the budget-conscious. Their purpose is to inter the remains of the deceased, whether it is a cremation or burial. Essentially, a graveside service is another version of a funeral. It is relatively short and individualized for the person for whom it is intended. Some graveside services may provide dirt and flowers for attendees to toss over the casket, while others may have hymns, prayers, and a eulogy.

 While losing someone that we love and care for is always difficult, we strive to celebrate the life lived to bring families some comfort and peace during difficult times.  Families have trusted JAMES H. DELANEY & SON FUNERAL HOME to care for their loved ones and to serve their family. To learn more about our funeral services, please call 668-1960. We are located at 48 Common Street. We have been serving our community for more than 50 years.

QUOTE: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”    Buddha

THE IMPORTANCE OF FUNERAL DIRECTORS

The death of a loved one is a stressful and challenging time for all involved. It can be scary, and families need true expertise during these tragic moments. That is why funeral directors are a saving grace for so many people. Funeral directors, also commonly referred to as  morticians or undertakers, play  an essential role in the funeral process. They manage the funeral home and arrange the various details and logistics of a funeral, such as location, dates, and times. Funeral directors also give much-needed sympathy and compassion to the deceased’s loved ones and include the family in the planning process. They will also file obituary notices and inform all appropriate agencies such as the Social Security Administration.

QUOTE: “No hour is ever eternity, but it has its right to weep.”

Zora Neale Hurston

FUNERALS FOR VETERANS

No one can underestimate the personal and emotional sacrifices made by our nation’s military members. That is why it’s essential and beneficial to engage the services of a knowledgeable funeral director. Funeral directors have years of expertise regarding military funerals and can help military families of deceased veterans with their funeral needs while also offering sympathy and compassion. They will also file all necessary paperwork involved to obtain any available military and death benefits, such as a burial flag, headstone or marker, burial in a National or State Veteran’s Administration Cemetery, and a Presidential Memorial Certificate. Keep in mind that the VA will pay a portion of a veteran’s funeral service and burial on a reimbursement basis.

QUOTE: “Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls and hang pictures on the air.”                          

Pablo Neruda

BURIAL VAULTS

 Burial vaults are line receptacles that are designed to encase a casket. They are commonly made of reinforced concrete but can also be made of plastic or metal. The casket is placed into the vault and the vault is then sealed. The purpose of burial vaults is to protect the casket from outside forces such as the ground’s weight, the ground settling, and any heavy maintenance equipment used by the cemetery. Burial vaults are generally not required by state or local laws; however, many cemeteries often require them to prevent a grave from collapsing. Modern burial vaults come in various styles. Funeral directors are well-versed regarding burial vaults and can answer any questions with knowledge and compassion. 

QUOTE: “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”  Rumi

SOCIAL SECURITY SURVIVOR’S BENEFITS

Did you know that some of the money paid to Social Security is available for family members of a deceased person who worked? Known as Social Security survivors benefits, they are given to widows, widowers, minor children, older disabled children, and dependent parents of the deceased. In some cases, stepchildren and grandchildren can collect the benefits as well. The survivors benefits are based on the deceased’s earnings and their relationship to the survivors. However, the deceased person must have worked long enough to qualify, which is ten years. In most cases, the funeral home will report the death to the Social Security Administration after being supplied with the person’s Social Security number. Applying for the benefits cannot be done online.

QUOTE: “How can the dead be truly dead when they still live in the souls of those who are left behind?”    

Carson McCullers                                        

CHILDREN AND GRIEF

Whether it’s the death of a family member or a beloved pet, everyone copes with death and grief differently, and children grieve in different ways than adults. Children’s developmental ages and personalities will affect how they grieve and process a loss. Often, children’s emotions will range from anger to crying one moment to wanting to play the next. Sometimes, they might not seem too concerned about it. All of this is normal. Allow them to ask questions and respond  truthfully. If at all possible, it’s best that the individual delivering the sad news is the person closest to the child. As children get older, they may begin to understand more but still need help from parents and other caregivers. 

QUOTE: “No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.”  

Terry Pratchett

LATE-STAGE CARE

Late-stage care occurs in the final stages of a terminal illness. During late-stage care, the focus changes to making the patient as comfortable as possible and ensuring they are not suffering. It’s also about respecting the patient’s wishes. Late-stage care can last from weeks to years, depending on the nature of the illness and the patient’s specific situation. During this time, palliative care measures can help control pain and other symptoms, such as shortness of breath, nausea, and constipation, while hospice care can offer emotional and spiritual support to the patient and family members. Late-stage care can be very complex and also involves issues such as financial and legal arrangements and practical support for end-of-life care.

QUOTE: “Life is for the living / Death is for the dead / Let life be like music / A death a note unsaid.”     

Langston Hughes

 DRIVING IN A FUNERAL PROCESSION

     A funeral procession is the journey between the funeral home and the final resting place. The practice usually occurred on foot in the past  and still does in many parts of the world. However, funeral processions by motor vehicle are the most common today. For those driving in a procession, it’s essential know a few things beforehand. First, keep in mind that the driving speed will be very slow and all vehicles in the procession will need to stay close together to ensure other cars are not permitted in line. Also, it is important to remain in line and not leave the procession unless there’s an emergency. Local traffic ordinances give funeral processions the right-of-way, so other motorists must yield.

QUOTES: “The boundaries between life and death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where one ends and where the other begins?”     

Edgar Allan Poe

FUNERAL PERSONALIZATION

Funerals are all about remembering and honoring the life of the person who has died. They are not set in stone, and no two are the same. Most people can agree that a personalized funeral service is the best. While religion is still an essential component of many funerals, they often take on a more varied approach that includes remembrances of hobbies, interests, and passions; the options are unlimited, and all it requires is a little planning. Photo displays, memorial walls, laying out personal artifacts and collections, and playing the deceased’s favorite music are standard. Another popular option is to have attendees bring a gift or memento that reminds them of the deceased to be given to the family. 

QUOTE: “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.”          

Maya Angelou

MEMORIAL DONATIONS

Often, a deceased’s family may request a memorial donation to a specific cause or charity instead of flowers. When making a memorial donation, a protocol should be adhered to  and it should be done in a timely fashion. Even if the donor wishes to remain anonymous, it’s essential to make sure the charity knows the name and address of the bereaved family so the charity can inform them. The family will want to know their loved one has been commemorated. If a specific charity or foundation isn’t listed, a legitimate nonprofit, such as Habitat for Humanity or Greenpeace, is suitable. A memorial donation in the form of cash gifts to the family must be handled with discretion by the giver.

QUOTE: “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”  Abraham Lincoln  

PLANNING A COMMITTAL SERVICE

A committal service is a memorial service held at the time a body is committed to the ground. The committal service is the final goodbye for the family and loved ones of the deceased. While many families choose to have a committal following a funeral service, it can also occur separately. If you are considering a committal service, there are a few things to know before planning. Committal services are brief affairs, usually lasting less than 30 minutes. Typically, once everyone arrives at the cemetery, prayers and scriptures are read and friends and family may offer a few words. Attendees will walk by the casket to pay their final respects, and the casket is then respectfully lowered.

JAMES H. DELANEY & SON FUNERAL HOME offers personalized, professional, and compassionate services to you and your family. Our goal is to reduce the burden on your family so that you can focus on celebrating your loved one’s life and beginning your journey towards healing. To learn more, please call 668-1960. We are located at 48 Common Street. We have been serving our community for more than 50 years.

 QUOTE: “Lives are like rivers: eventually they go where they must. Not where we want them to.”

Richard Russo

OFFERING CONDOLENCES

A funeral is the most common occasion for which people feel at a loss for words or are simply unable to know the right things to say. It is such a sad and sensitive time for all involved. When you have been invited to a funeral, you are wanted and needed there, and saying nothing would be poor taste. While there is no set rule, it’s best to wait until after the funeral service; the visitation is considered a good opportunity to speak. Avoid offering trite comments and anything anecdotal, judgmental, or negative about the deceased. Often, introducing yourself, simply offering kindhearted words, and showing your sincerity will be greatly appreciated and are beneficial for the healing of loved ones.

QUOTE: “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments but what is woven into the lives of others.”  

Thucydides

FUNERAL FUNDING

Funerals can be costly affairs depending upon the options chosen. To make matters worse, funeral expenses often come on top of medical bills and other costs relating to illness or emergency. Everyone’s circumstances are unique. It’s easy to understand why people turn to alternative sources for funding a funeral service. One method growing in popularity is funeral crowdfunding. Is crowdfunding right for you? Using crowdfunding to defray funeral expenses can be an effective way to generate money. Crowdfunding can raise funds by requesting donations from the general public. There are several websites available that allow setting up a funeral funding campaign. There are fees involved in setting up the campaign, and contributions are not tax-deductible.

QUOTE: “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”       

Thomas Campbell

FUNERAL FOOD

No matter what the occasion, food provides needed comfort. This couldn’t be any more accurate when it comes to funeral receptions. Funeral receptions bring people together and allow them to pay their respects and support one another. Where the family lives  and their family traditions may determine what is served. Potlucks and buffet-style are common. Potlucks give a more communal spirit to a funeral reception as more people can contribute their services to the family of the deceased. In addition, it’s more economical, which is an essential component for the deceased’s family members. Casseroles, potato dishes, and pasta dishes are staples. It’s a good idea to also provide kid-friendly food. Dessert isn’t always offered and is optional.

QUOTE: “Food is our common ground, a universal experience.”  James Beard

UNDERSTANDING GRIEF 

Grief is something everyone experiences. It is a natural response to a loss, and it has been shown that suppressing it is unhealthy. Grief and the grieving process are unique to everyone, and there is no timeline to follow. Because there is more than one type of grief, and many steps are involved, the progression rarely moves neatly from one stage to the next. It can cause mild physical as well as emotional symptoms that typically resolve over time. Predictable  signs include trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, low energy levels, lack of appetite, and feeling angry, sad, and anxious. Sometimes the grief becomes more complex and long-lasting, affecting quality of life. This is referred to as complicated grief. 

QUOTE: “Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” 

William Wallace

PALLIATIVE CARE

Palliative care is a specific care-giving approach to provide relief, ease suffering, and improve a patient’s overall quality of life. It is based on the patient’s needs, not on their medical prognosis. Palliative care is suitable for any age and various conditions such as heart failure, cancer, Parkinson’s disease, and dementia. Care teams are qualified to treat many symptoms such as depression, pain, anxiety, sleeping difficulties, and nausea. They serve as the perfect go-between between the patient and doctors and can effectively make sure the doctors know what the patient needs and wants so that everyone is on the same page. This can also give the patient more control over their care. Private health insurance may pay for some services.

QUOTE: “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

Norman Cousins

FUNERAL ETIQUETTE

A funeral is a highly emotional time for those who have lost a loved one. Even though funerals have evolved and are often less formal, it is still important to follow proper funeral etiquette if you have been invited to attend a funeral. To begin with, don’t skip the funeral if at all possible, even if you didn’t know the person directly. It is also a good idea to  arrive early at a funeral to give yourself time to sign the registry and find a seat. Dressing respectfully is essential, leaving the revealing or very casual clothing at home. Additionally, use technology such as phones sparingly, if at all. Funerals are difficult for people, so it’s vital to be considerate.

 QUOTE: “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.”

 Epictetus

SINGING AT FUNERALS

The sound of a human voice can cause an emotional reaction in people, making them feel reassured and soothed. Many people choose to add a live vocal performance to a funeral for these reasons. It is a beautiful and personal tribute to a deceased loved one. Sometimes, loved ones can be too emotional to feel comfortable singing during the service. In these cases, a funeral singer can be beneficial. Professional singers and performers such as choir members, church soloists, and wedding singers often sing at funerals. However, it is best to find someone who has explicit experience singing at funerals. Most performers have a roster of songs from which to choose. Funeral homes and area churches can provide recommendations.

QUOTE: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Buddha

PRE-PLANNING A CREMATION

It feels good knowing that your plans are in order and that your wishes are known and will be carried out. Pre-planning for cremation is more accessible and more common than ever. It protects your family from having to make difficult decisions when they already filled with stress and grief. The extent to which you pre-plan is up to you. It can be as simple as written instructions  shared with with family members and friends or a detailed, comprehensive written plan. Cremation pre-planning involves defining your wishes to be cremated, choosing specific cremation services, including the type of vessel you would like to have your ashes stored in, whether or not you want to be interred, and payment options.

QUOTE: “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.” 

Lao Tzu

 INTERMENT

Interment is unique and means different things to different people. In the past, interment has typically referred to a standard burial with funeral rites. However, with cremation on the rise, interment now means “final resting place.”  Interment options for burial include a green or natural burial, traditional burial in a casket, a lawn crypt or underground mausoleum as it is sometimes referred to, and above-ground mausoleums. There are also numerous choices for cremation, such as a columbarium, an urn burial, and scattering of the ashes. Other options for those who want a unique interment are available and include having the deceased’s ashes placed into an artificial reef, burial at sea, or pressed into a diamond, among others.

QUOTES: “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” 

Marcus Aurelius

FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE FOR FUNERALS

Just because someone is economically disadvantaged or uninsured does not mean they do not deserve a dignified funeral and burial. Depending on the deceased’s economic circumstances and state of residence, many states have programs to help those who cannot afford a funeral, cremation, or burial. Resources are available to help locate assistance programs on the state and county levels. Federal programs are also available through social security and veteran benefits. Keep in mind, too, that several non-profit organizations exist to help ease the financial burden. Most states that participate only donate a portion of the total cost. Many people exercise creativity by utilizing social media, and online crowd-funding sites where anyone can contribute have proven successful.

QUOTE: “Life without experience and sufferings is not life.”

IN LIEU OF FLOWERS

We’ve all seen the words “in lieu of flowers” when reading a funeral notice or obituary. What does it mean? In the past, people sent funeral or sympathy flowers to express their condolences. These days, more and more people opt for something more meaningful and long-lasting when remembering their loved ones. “In lieu of flowers” means instead of flowers or in place of flowers. Following that phrase, there are further instructions, such as donating to a specific charitable organization, museum, or hospice facility, or even helping cover funeral expenses. It’s proper funeral etiquette to follow the deceased’s family’s wishes. Flowers are still acceptable as long as the family has been informed the other request has been followed.

QUOTE: “There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.”

Seneca

RENTAL CASKETS

Caskets can be a costly funeral expense. A rental casket is an excellent cost-saving option if you want to have a traditional casket at a viewing or funeral but don’t want to purchase a casket or can’t afford to. The practice of renting a coffin is not uncommon, and most funeral homes offer the option. The deceased is placed in a simple wooden box and then set inside the rental casket. The body is then later removed for burial or cremation. Since the body never touches the casket, the funeral home can re-use it. Rental caskets are considered an environmentally friendly option for the eco-conscious consumer. Speak with your local funeral home to see if the rental option is available.

 QUOTE: “Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls and hang pictures on the air.”                                                                     

Pablo Neruda

MOVING FORWARD WITH COMPLICATED GRIEF

Losing a loved one is one of the most distressing events that people face. Most people experience normal grief and bereavement, consisting of sorrow, numbness, guilt, and anger, which is natural. Gradually, these feelings ease to the point where it is possible to move forward with daily living. However, some people may find themselves unable to progress towards acceptance and healing. This is called complicated grief. Complicated grief is long-lasting and can inhibit one’s quality of life. Depression is typical, as are loss of appetite and insomnia. It is essential to seek help from a doctor or mental health professional, particularly if these feelings don’t improve even a year after the passing of a loved one.

QUOTE: “There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.”

 Mahatma Gandhi

RESPITE CARE

Caring for a loved one can be time-consuming and challenging. Even caregivers need a break now and then, and there is a support system for those who need it. Respite care provides much-needed short-term relief for primary caregivers. It can be arranged for an afternoon or several days or weeks. Care can be given at home, in a healthcare facility, boarding home, or adult day center. This type of care can make a world of difference. Respite services typically charge by the hour or number of days that the services are provided. While most insurance plans do not cover these costs, Medicare will cover most of the price up to five days in a row. Medicaid may also offer assistance.

QUOTE: “People in grief need someone to walk with them without judging them.”

 Gail Sheehy

TRADITIONAL CASKETS

Selecting a casket is a very personal decision because it is a reflection of your loved one. Sometimes, only a traditional casket will do. Standard features of traditional caskets include half or full couch, which refers to the casket’s lid coming in one or two pieces. The lining is generally made out of polyester, satin, or velvet, and the exterior features consist of handles and ornamentation. Traditional caskets are one of the most expensive funeral purchases, with the average casket costing between $2,000-$5,000. Caskets can be purchased from funeral homes, casket showrooms, and online retailers. Keep in mind that with an online retailer, delivery costs may be high. Be sure to ask  to see a  price list with all costs.

QUOTE: “The only cure for grief is action.”           

 George Henry Lewes

HOSPICE CARE AT HOME

Home hospice care can be challenging, but it has its rewards. Some families may feel suspicious of strangers taking care of their loved ones in their homes. However, it’s important to note that the hospice team, usually consisting of a physician, nurse, hospice aide, social worker, chaplain, volunteer, and bereavement manager, is there to take care of the ill person and not take over their life. The patient and the family are at the center of the hospice team. The team will develop a personalized care plan with input from all parties, including the patient. The team will be on a schedule of the family’s choosing. The plan is an ever-evolving process as the medical situation changes.

QUOTE: “Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.”                     

 Paulo Coelho

ANTICIPATORY GRIEF

 Most people are familiar with the grief that happens after death, but what about before? Anticipatory grief occurs before death and is common among individuals facing either their own death or that of a loved one. Not everyone experiences anticipatory grief; many don’t know they have, and it is often misunderstood. Emotions such as sadness, tearfulness, fear, irritability, anger, loneliness, and anger are common. It is not unusual for people to develop depression when faced with all the losses that come with the impending death of someone. People need to express their pain and allow themselves time to grieve. However, it can also be a time for healing and closure, a chance to resolve issues and say a proper goodbye.

QUOTE: “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”

 Orson Scott Card

THE FTC FUNERAL RULE

The Funeral Rule was enacted by the Federal Trade Commission. It is designed to protect consumers, and all funeral providers must abide by it. At its core, The Funeral Rule was established to regulate the funeral industry. It gives consumers the right to purchase only the funeral goods and services they want, and not have anything forced on them, whether in a personalized funeral package or a la carte. A funeral home must disclose their prices if asked and provide potential customers with a printed, itemized price list, including all the services they offer. It also states that if a person chooses to purchase a casket or urn from an outside source, it must be accepted with no additional fees.

QUOTE: “Grief is in two parts. The first is loss.  The second is the remaking of life.” 

Anne Roiphe

ADVANCED HEALTHCARE DIRECTIVE

Unexpected end-of-life situations that make people incapacitated can occur at any age. However,  there is a way to prepare for such events by pre-planning. Advanced directives are legal documents in which people express their wishes regarding what actions should be taken for their health if they can no longer make decisions for themselves because of  illness or incapacity. An advanced healthcare directive, also known as a living will, personal directive, and medical directive, isn’t just for the elderly.  By planning, individuals can get the care they want and relieve the burden of decision-making from caregivers. Instructions such as the use of breathing machines, tube feeding, and organ or tissue donation are often included in these directives.  

QUOTE: “The pain passes, but the beauty remains.”                                                         Pierre Auguste Renoir. 

FUNERAL MUSIC 

Music plays a crucial role in all our lives. This also holds true when it comes to funerals. Funerals should be a commemoration of life, and music can be an essential part of this celebration. When making funeral plans, it’s a good idea to consider whether you will play music at any point. Music is a simple way to personalize the ceremony and can often set the tone for the entire service, whether joyful, solemn, or uplifting. Genres can vary from pop songs to country music ballads, with classical music being the more popular choice. Think about your loved ones’ favorite music; as long as the selected pieces accurately represent them and are not offensive, no option is off-limits.

QUOTE: “Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.”

 Marcel Proust

PRE-PAID FUNERAL PLANS

Pre-paid funeral plans provide a way for people to pay for their funeral arrangements before they pass away. Loved ones are thus spared from having to make difficult decisions and experiencing financial stress while grieving. Pre-paid funerals can be customized to include any chosen goods and services, such as the casket, flowers, transportation, cemetery plot, and more. Some people even want to use a specific funeral home. Plans can be paid for up front or via a payment plan, and there are usually administration and yearly maintenance fees. Make sure it is a guaranteed plan which will lock the agreed-upon price in place, so even if prices go up, family members won’t have to pay more.

QUOTE: “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” 

 Thomas Cambell

ECO-FRIENDLY CASKET OPTIONS

 Environmentally mindful people love the idea of having an earth-friendly burial and the eco-friendly casket options that come with it. These days, such options are broadly available. The materials used in eco-caskets must be 100 percent biodegradable, including the interior materials and the fasteners that hold the casket together. The wood should contain no chemicals, stains, preservatives, or toxins that can leak into the ground. There are many caskets to choose from, including recycled pulp; bamboo; cardboard; woven fiber; and soft, non-treated wood caskets. Biodegradable options are also less expensive, which can be an attractive feature for budget-conscious consumers. If you wish to be buried in an eco-casket, let your family know and write it in your will.

QUOTE: “There is nothing permanent except change.”

Heraclitus

HOSPICE VS HOME HEALTH

Home health and hospice are two options for healthcare at home that embody very different types of care. The most significant difference between the two is that hospice is for people with a terminal illness who are not expected to live longer than six months. Home health is for people who need assistance recovering from an illness, injury, surgery, or managing a chronic health condition. Services such as physical therapy, speech therapy, wound care, and medication assistance are also provided. Hospice care includes pain and symptom management and providers help with bereavement counseling, spiritual counseling, personal care, and skilled nursing. There are also differences in the eligibility criteria, visit frequency, location, and the team providing care.

QUOTE: “Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.”   

COMPLICATED GRIEF

Grief is a person’s natural response to losing a loved one. It is accompanied by feelings of hurt, loss, and sadness. Complicated grief, also known as complicated bereavement disorder, is a condition that can occur in some people who have just lost a loved one or are experiencing grief for another reason. While the intensity of grief fades with time for most people, these feelings do not improve for people with complicated grief; they experience it more persistently. Sometimes seriously affecting  a person’s quality of life, symptoms can manifest themselves physically, such as appetite loss, insomnia, and a weakened immune system. It is sometimes misidentified as depression, and some people might be more at risk of developing the condition.

Complicated grief occurs more often in females and with older age. It is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing. Contact your doctor or a mental health professional if you have intense grief and problems functioning that don't improve at least one year after the passing of your loved one. To learn about our funeral services, please call JAMES H. DELANEY & SON FUNERAL HOME at 668-1960. We are located at 48 Common Street.  We have been serving our community for more than 50 years. 

QUOTE: “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.”

THE SOCIAL SECURITY DEATH BENEFITS

 When a loved one passes away, there are many arrangements to be made and actions taken. One crucial task involves reporting the death to the Social Security Administration. In most cases, the reporting is done by the funeral home and requires the deceased’s Social Security number. One essential reason for this is that survivors qualify for certain death benefits. One benefit is the death payout that the Social Security Administration can pay to a surviving spouse, children, or other family members in a one-time lump sum payment of $255. Eligible family members may also receive survivors benefits for the month in which the deceased passed away. Benefit amounts depend on how much the individual earned during his or her lifetime.

QUOTE: “If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble.”  

 Moliere

FUNERAL PLANNER VS. FUNERAL DIRECTOR

After the death of a loved one, it can be challenging to know what funeral decisions to make or in which direction to go. Funeral planners are relatively new to the funeral industry. Much like event planners, they have experience in the funeral industry and can assist with making arrangements. While both funeral directors and planners are well versed in the industry, they differ in several ways. Funeral directors must be licensed and employed by one funeral home, unlike funeral planners who can work with anyone, anywhere. Also, with a licensed funeral director, you know that they have been objectively certified by an independent (usually state) licensing body as expert in all aspects of mortuary and funeral services.

QUOTE: “No hour is ever eternity, but it has its right to weep.” 

Zora Neale Hurston

MOURNING COLORS

Black, the color most typically associated with mourning and funeral attire in the West, has been worn for centuries; however, it is not the color for mourning everywhere. Many different countries and cultures have their own ideas about acceptable mourning colors. In many Asian countries, people wear white mourning clothes, which represent purity and rebirth. In South Africa, red is considered a color of mourning, while in China, it symbolizes joy and fertility. In addition to black, purple is worn in Central and South America, where the color has a sacred and spiritual meaning. Widows commonly wear purple in Thailand. Grey and gold have also been worn traditionally, with gold being the color of royal mourning in ancient Egypt.

QUOTE: “For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.” 

 William Penn

FUNERAL VS. A WAKE

Funerals and wakes are both types of ceremonies used to honor the dead and allow survivors to mourn and remember their loved ones. There are some significant differences between the two, although they can have a similar feel.  In many instances, the wake is held the night before the funeral. Although the body isn’t always present, a wake gives those in attendance the chance to spend time with the deceased, reflect, tell stories, and spend time with family in  a more casual atmosphere. Funeral traditions vary from religion to religion, but they tend to have more structure. A funeral service is typically led by a clergy member or other important community member. They may invite family and friends to speak.

QUOTE: “If you would have me weep, you must first of all feel grief yourself.” 

Horace

PALLIATIVE CARE

 Palliative care is specialized medical care for people living with serious illnesses such as cancer, congestive heart failure, kidney disease, Parkinson’s, and many others. Such care is focused on providing relief from the symptoms and stresses of the illness. It is provided by a specially trained team of doctors, nurses, and other knowledgeable specialists, all working together to improve their patient’s quality of life. Palliative care can be given at any point during an illness, at any age, and is based on the patient’s needs and not on prognosis. Symptoms such as pain, depression, fatigue, constipation, and difficulty sleeping can all be addressed. If you or a loved one is facing an illness, you may benefit from palliative care.

QUOTE: “Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.”

 Anne Morrow Lindbergh

FUNERAL FLOWERS

Funerals can be a difficult time for everyone. Whether you’re arranging or attending, funerals are a sad and sometimes stressful occasion. A thoughtful and caring gesture, condolence flowers are a visual representation of love, sympathy, and respect. Many different types are commonly sent for funerals and memorial services, with lilies, chrysanthemums, and carnations being the most popular. If the deceased had a favorite flower or color, arranging a bouquet around those preferences is appropriate. Types of funeral flowers can include casket arrangements, funeral wreaths, tied sheaves, floral baskets, and standing arrangements called funeral sprays. If there is any doubt about where to send the funeral flowers, it is best to call the funeral home and speak with the funeral director.

QUOTE: “Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”

Rumi

PALLIATIVE CARE

 Palliative care is specialized medical care for people living with serious illnesses such as cancer, congestive heart failure, kidney disease, Parkinson’s, and many others. Such care is focused on providing relief from the symptoms and stresses of the illness. It is provided by a specially trained team of doctors, nurses, and other knowledgeable specialists, all working together to improve their patient’s quality of life. Palliative care can be given at any point during an illness, at any age, and is based on the patient’s needs and not on prognosis. Symptoms such as pain, depression, fatigue, constipation, and difficulty sleeping can all be addressed. If you or a loved one is facing an illness, you may benefit from palliative care.

QUOTE: “Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.”

 Anne Morrow Lindbergh

WRITING AN IDENTITY THEFT-PROOF OBITUARY

Obituaries are summations of a person’s life and are an essential tribute to make.  They can seem like a daunting task to undertake, especially when you consider it’s crucial to prevent identity theft of your loved one at the same time. Criminals steal the identities of deceased Americans each day, and obituaries provide one of the easiest ways for thieves to steal personal information, as they remain in print and online for years. There are ways to protect your deceased loved one’s identity while writing an obituary, such as leaving out details such as middle name, birth date, birthplace, mother’s maiden name, and home address. Criminals can also acquire personal information via social media and online people searches.

QUOTE: “Be the things you loved the most about the people who are gone.”

FUNERAL PROGRAMS

 A funeral program, sometimes called a funeral brochure, is a printed document that is given out at funeral or memorial services. It can aid in providing an organized experience for guests. Its purpose is to outline the critical points in the funeral service, give biographical information, and summarize the life achievements of the deceased. Funeral programs often also contain funeral poems, special prayers and scriptures, a cover photo, background graphics, and memorial photos. Like the individuals they are meant to honor, funeral programs are very personal, and it can be challenging to know where to begin. While there are funeral program templates available online, family members may want to work with a funeral home to help with the creation process.

QUOTE: “Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.”

 Robert Louis Stevenson

FUNERAL TRANSPORTATION

After a funeral service, it is customary for the deceased and family to be brought to the cemetery or burial site in specific kinds of vehicles. Funeral homes usually have their own limousines, sedans, and hearses available for hire, although you may contract a third-party rental company for these services. Motorcycle escorts and police escorts are also available for the procession and are arranged by the funeral director. A car driven by a member of the funeral home’s staff can be hired to lead the procession to the cemetery. If you rent transportation from the funeral home, keep in mind there may be a charge for extra mileage outside the home’s defined “local” area in addition to a flat rate. 

QUOTE: “He that lacks time to mourn, lacks time to mend.”

Sir Henry Taylor

PROPER FUNERAL ATTIRE

If you’re preparing to attend a funeral, you might be wondering what you should wear. For starters, wearing black clothing to funerals is a long-accepted tradition in many areas of the world, particularly in the United States and other western nations. Funerals are typically somber occasions, and wearing black or other dark colors indicates that a person is mourning the loss and showing respect for the deceased. In this tradition, it is best to dress conservatively, keeping jewelry and other accessories simple and understated. The focus should be on what you’re there for and not yourself. If you’re unsure what to wear, don’t be afraid to ask, as some families may have specific attire requests. 

QUOTE: “He spake well who said that graves are the footprints of angels.” 

 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

HOSPICE AND PALLIATIVE CARE

If you have a loved one suffering from a serious illness, pain treatment is probably a topic of concern. Hospice and palliative care are options to consider. Hospice care is similar to palliative care with significant differences. While the objective of both is pain and symptom relief, the prognosis and goals of care tend to be different. Hospice is comfort care without curative intent; palliative care is comfort care with or without curative intent. In other words, hospice care begins after treatment is stopped  and it is clear the person is not going to survive. Palliative care helps people live with their symptoms and can start at diagnosis, during curative treatment and follow-up, and at the end of life.

QUOTE: “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”        

 E.M. Forster

TRADITIONAL FUNERAL WITH CREMATION

Cremation doesn’t mean you can’t have a traditional funeral service if you’d like one. However, when cremation is chosen, there are more memorialization options, so advanced planning can be a good idea. As with a traditional funeral, there is usually a visitation for public viewing and a funeral service. The service is followed by cremation rather than burial in a casket. A cremation casket, specifically designed to be used in the cremation process, or a rental casket may be used. The service can be held at a church, funeral chapel, or another meaningful place. The casket can be open or closed during visitation. After the ceremony and cremation, the remains can be buried, scattered, or returned to the family.

QUOTE: “True life is lived when tiny changes occur.”              

Leo Tolstoy

NATURAL BURIAL

A natural burial does not involve the use of embalming fluid, a casket, or a burial vault. Instead, the remains are placed directly into the earth, allowing the body to decompose naturally. The process has minimal impact on the environment, which makes it an attractive choice for eco-conscious consumers. In some instances, the deceased is buried in a biodegradable casket or a simple burial shroud  as long as it does not inhibit decomposition in any way. Much like a traditional burial, a natural burial can be easily planned in advance. Cremation is also an option with a natural burial, although the process may be altered slightly to comply with cemetery rules. Natural burials are legal in all 50 states.

QUOTE: “Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”

Rumi

DELAYED GRIEF

Grief is unpredictable and takes many forms. For some, it can take a while to truly settle in, and this is known as delayed grief. It can occur months to years after losing a loved one and can often take people by surprise. Changes in behavior, as well as emotional reactions, can occur. Delayed grief happens for many reasons and is the brain’s way of insulating someone from a painful experience so temporary functioning can continue. People can’t always process loss right after it happens. Delayed grief is common for those with a lot on their plate during the time of the loss, which creates a need to carry on without taking much time to process what has happened.

QUOTE: “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

George Bernard Shaw

FUNERAL SERVICES

When a loved one dies, family members must make dozens of decisions about the funeral, all of which must be made quickly and under emotional duress. What kind of funeral should it be? Many funeral providers offer various packages of goods and services for different funeral types. There is also the option to buy these goods and services separately as some packages may contain unnecessary items. It’s a good idea to ask for a price list of provided services, and the law requires funeral homes to offer one. Laws regarding funerals vary from state to state, and it’s prudent to know which goods and services are required by law and which are optional. If possible, consider choosing in advance. 

QUOTE: “Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

EULOGY VS TRIBUTE

Both eulogy and tribute are words often used interchangeably with one another with regards to funeral services. Is there a difference between the two? The main difference is that a eulogy is a speech or a piece of writing generally honoring the deceased, while a tribute can be a speech, gift, award, or service honoring a living or dead person. Both show respect, admiration, and affection for people. Simply put, a eulogy is a type of tribute. When giving a tribute at a funeral, it can be delivered by family, friends, ministers, or a combination of various people. There is also a growing trend toward encouraging people attending the funeral to stand up and share a memory of the deceased.

QUOTE: “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” 

Robert Byrne

PROS AND CONS OF HOSPICE CARE

What are the advantages and disadvantages if you or a loved one enters hospice care? Hospice services are a specialized form of medical care that aim to provide comfort and maintain a patient’s quality of life for those facing a terminal condition. Hospice may or may not be the right choice for you or a loved one depending on the situation. Hospice includes comprehensive care from a team of professionals and volunteers. It is available 24 hours a day, including weekends and holidays. It can result in a reduction in insurance costs. Some disadvantages can be that hospitalization is discouraged once the patient has entered hospice care  and there may be a denial of some diagnostic testing.

QUOTE: “Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.” 

 Tecumseh 

ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY BURIAL OPTIONS

Natural interment methods have risen to prominence in recent years, and though many people may find them unusual, they are becoming more mainstream and acceptable by society at large. Traditional burial and cremation, although steeped in tradition, are not very environmentally friendly. However, there are options available for the more eco-conscious consumer. First, consider the choice of coffin. Biodegradable or eco-coffins reduce carbon emissions. There are various options, including coffins made from cardboard, formaldehyde-free plywood, fair trade-certified bamboo, and hand-woven willow. If cremation is still the desired choice, it is possible to be a little less green and be cremated in the traditional sense by making an environmentally conscious urn choice such as one made of coconut shell.

QUOTE: “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.”   

 C.S. Lewis

MEMORIAL SERVICE VS FUNERAL

What is the difference between a funeral and a memorial service? Both serve the same function, to honor and remember someone significant and confront the reality of death. However, a funeral is a service to honor a deceased person with the body present in a casket. In contrast, a memorial service is a time to memorialize the individual without the body, although cremated remains may be present. Funerals are often conducted immediately before burial or cremation, and the location is usually either a church or funeral home. Memorial services allow for greater flexibility and more options for the place, such as a park or community center, and time, occurring days to months after death.

QUOTE: “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”         

Alan Watts

FUNERAL PRE-PLANNING

It’s not easy to contemplate a loved one’s death, let alone your own. However, preplanning your funeral arrangements in advance is beneficial and can give peace of mind to your family when the time comes. Allow yourself ample time to research and consider all the options as there are multiple decisions to be made. Pre-planning ensures your final wishes are known and carried out. Also, by prepaying for the funeral, you are helping to reduce costs. A funeral director can be instrumental in helping you make informed decisions. As an expert on everything from selecting a casket to choosing a location and setting up a memorial fund, a funeral director can be an invaluable resource as you design your funeral.

QUOTE: “If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.  

Eleanor Roosevelt

PROS AND CONS OF CREMATION

A death in the family can bring about questions as to whether the surviving members should opt for cremation or burial, especially if the deceased’s wishes are unknown. Cremation remains a popular option for many people. First, it is more economical than a traditional burial, with no coffin, burial, or plot to worry over. Second, ashes are easier to deal with and more portable than physical remains; therefore, the deceased can be put to rest anywhere. One drawback to cremation is that it isn’t available everywhere as not every community has a funeral home with a crematorium. It can also be more challenging to get family members all to agree to cremation, especially for those with countering religious beliefs.

QUOTE: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”        

Buddha

DEALING WITH SECONDARY LOSS 

Secondary losses are the other losses that come with losing a loved one. Often, these secondary losses appear over time rather than all at once, and similar to grief, are unique to everyone. These losses come in many different forms, such as loss of income; financial security; feeling safe; and loss of traditions, milestones, and activities associated with the deceased. There are healthy ways to cope with feelings of secondary loss. Making mementos or scrapbooks is a great way to capture bygone special moments with a loved one. It’s also essential to lean on trusted family, friends, or grief professionals. Funeral homes are great places to find information regarding support groups and grief resources.

 QUOTE: “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

Marcus Aurelius

BUYING A CEMETERY PLOT

When it’s time to arrange your funeral, if it is your wish to be buried, you will need to own a burial plot in a cemetery. Although plots can be purchased at the time of your death, people often secure them in advance, usually saving on costs. Cemeteries offer several types of options for in-ground burial. Depending on the cemetery, plots for couples, called companion plots, and those for one person are typically available, as are family burial plots. Prices vary state by state and can be determined by plot size, so it may be more economical to consider the family option. It’s a good idea to gather as much information as possible and consider all your options before deciding.

QUOTE: “He spoke well who said that graves are the footprints of angels.” 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow   

A WAKE

A wake is a solemn service usually occurring before a funeral. It can take place days prior to or the day of the actual funeral service. Traditionally, wakes take place in the home, but more often these days, funeral homes now serve as a venue. Wakes are sometimes referred to as visitations or viewings, which are typically less formal. These events offer a chance for the deceased’s family and friends to gather together to share memories and celebrate the deceased’s  life. During a wake, loved ones will also come together to comfort one another and pay their final respects. The remains may or may not be present. Wakes are not the same as funerals or memorial services.

QUOTES: “When it’s time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”

  Henry David Thoreau

END-OF-LIFE CARE

Quality care at the end of life is essential. End-of-life care addresses a person’s physical comfort, daily maintenance, and emotional and spiritual needs. Often the terms “palliative care” and “hospice care” enter the conversation. What is the difference? Palliative care is meant to alleviate pain and manage barriers to a good quality of life while undergoing treatment for a severe illness. Hospice care is a service for a person who has discontinued disease-fighting treatments and is preparing for death. Palliative and hospice care depend on a team of people with different specialties including  doctors, nurses, home health aides, social workers, and counselors. Keep in mind that decision-making is ultimately intended to honor the wishes of the dying person.

QUOTE: “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”      

Marcus Aurelius              

FUNERAL DIRECTORS

When a death occurs, a funeral home is one of the first phone calls you’ll make, and a funeral director can be an important ally in the days and weeks after a loved one’s death. Whether the funeral was prepared for in advance or the death was unexpected, there’s lots a funeral director can do for you. Busy behind the scenes, a funeral director will assist you with various tasks such as transporting the body to the funeral home, making funeral arrangements, managing the service’s logistics, and writing and submitting an obituary for publication. He or she will also tie up loose ends regarding paperwork, setting up a memorial fund, and connecting you with advice and support

QUOTE: “Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.”   

Walt Whitman

FUNERAL INSURANCE

Funeral or burial insurance is primarily designed for seniors who want to make sure their families have money to cover funeral costs or pay off a debt when someone passes away. These types of policies are generally referred to as whole life policies that have death benefits. Coverage lasts for the entirety of your life, and when you pass away, your beneficiaries will typically receive a payout just large enough to cover the cost of your funeral. Funeral insurance policies have a shortened underwriting process, with no medical exam required, and you’re guaranteed acceptance. With that comes a more costly policy. But if the goal is to ensure your family has the funds, this option may be right for you.

QUOTE: “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” 

Thomas Campbell

CHOOSING A FUNERAL PROVIDER

There is never a perfect time to look for the best funeral home. Although it may be painful either way, it’s better to find one for you or your loved one before you actually need to. Many people often choose a funeral home based on a trusted individual’s recommendation or its location. However, by limiting the scope of your search, you may be putting yourself at risk for paying more than necessary. There’s no other way to guarantee you’re getting the best value than to shop around and ask lots of questions. Important items to consider are how long the funeral home has been in business, its reputation, whether it is locally owned, and if they offer funeral packages.

QUOTE: “Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”         

Maya Angelou